THE right wing has no artists of any merit, and that makes them sad. Consequently they have decided they’re drafting these into their movement without consent:
Lana Del Rey
Ignoring her large body of work in favour of slutting around while high, observers have decided that as now she’s married and releasing an album called Stove she has become a gingham-clad tradwife. Next: pumping out children, launching her own internet cooking show, and denouncing the loose of morals who disobey God’s will!
Kanye West
It says a lot about the right-leaning hunger for their own culture warriors that they saw Kanye’s behaviour from 2018 onwards and asked ‘Is this a lengthy, public and abhorrent mental breakdown, or is this guy on our side?’ and decided the latter. And in short order regretted it when he turned out to be so on their side he sold swastika T-shirts.
Kate Bush
Inexplicably praised Theresa May in 2016, at which point the left showed its diversity of opinion and tolerance of difference by agreeing she was an evil Nazi bitch. Attempts to frame a canon of songs about wafting around in woodland barefoot as traditional Tory values failed. Running Up That Hill was not about Thatcher’s triumph over the NUM.
Gary Barlow
Look. As Gary himself would point out in gravelly Northern tones, just because he’s boring and avoids tax, doesn’t mean he’s right wing. Yes, he once backed David Cameron and yes, he spent years bitter and angry at others for succeeding when he hadn’t but that doesn’t mean he’s right wing either, though it is their voter base.
Taylor Swift
White, blue eyes, vengeful toward anyone who’s wronged her: is it any wonder that online Nazis decided she was the heroine she needed? And that, in the absence of contradiction, left-wingers thought it would be fun to promote this? Then she descended from the mountain and reminded everyone the only cause she believes in is Taylor Swift.
Rob Halford
The ultimate macho man, done up in studded leather and growling about motorcycles with stylised screaming eagles on Judas Priest album covers, there was no way this icon of booted masculinity would let his fans down by being a liberal, right? Until it turns out he’s gay and that was gay iconography the whole time. Oh.
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