By Sophie Rodriguez, 24
Everyone obsessively reads their ex’s new girlfriend’s Instagram posts from 2019 at 3am, okay?
So I don’t get what all this blocking bollocks is about. This is just due diligence to make sure someone I once cared about isn’t getting involved in a cult. Or with someone thinner than me.
I’m a researcher. I’m basically an academic finding life-saving cancer treatments, an investigative journalist, or a 19th century explorer, except without the evil colonial downsides.
If you didn’t want your holiday photos from Faliraki being pored over, then you shouldn’t have flaunted your life publicly by accepting my burner account’s follow request. And, on reflection, I perhaps should have created a new one after breaking up with Steve.
But when I see that you’ve looked at my LinkedIn? Well, that’s unhinged behaviour and I’m telling the HR department of your company. Don’t ask me how I know which company you work for and where it’s located, that’s irrelevant.
You’re a stalker, Lauren Rachel Parry of 24 Bedford Drive. And for all the time you spend at the theatre, gymnastics club, horse riding on Thursdays and at your sister Naomi’s house, you clearly don’t have much of a life.
My research skills are so finely tuned that your block won’t stop me. Nothing will. Except a restraining order.
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