PHOENIX—In an effort to attract clientele who need to rent vehicles for their belongings without having a final destination totally locked in just yet, U-Haul officials unveiled a fleet of live-in trucks Wednesday for customers to sleep in as they sort some shit out. “We’re excited to finally be able to offer our customers an affordable place to crash for a bit while stuff blows over,” said U-Haul CEO Joe Shoen, adding that the rental term could be extended to however long down-on-their-luck customers need to get back on their feet. “To rent one of our indefinite-stay ‘Rough Patch’ vehicles, just give the lot operator a sad, knowing glance, and he’ll give you the keys without asking any personal questions. Plus, instead of paying for the vehicle upfront, you can just pay us back when you’re good for it. If you hole up next to a library, you can usually mooch off their Wi-Fi to get the ball rolling on some shit, but be careful where you park, because we can’t cover tickets, too—we just can’t. Look, are we saying it’s the Ritz? No. But the cargo area has a furniture pad you can use as a blanket, and if you park in a quiet alley somewhere, you can probably make it through the night without anyone bothering you.” At press time, Shoen clarified that while the trucks are technically smoke-free environments, given all the shit you already have on your plate, if you need a cigarette to take the edge off, U-Haul’s not going to get in your way.
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