REFORM councillors drunk on limited local power are banning flags and spurning equality training. if you’re one of the 800, these tactics will ensure you achieve nothing constructive:
Demand white wheelie bins
It’s a sign of the woke madness destroying Britain that we have black and brown wheelie bins but never white ones. Blow your council’s budget on sourcing white wheelie bins which residents hate because they look instantly filthy. But someone needs to stand up for our proud Anglo-Saxon heritage of mobile polyethylene waste receptacles.
Fight the global warming hoax
All local councils propagate the global warming myth, but right-wing orthodoxy now dictates that we should make our planet uninhabitable to prove a point. All recycling must therefore cease. The smile will be on the other side of Thunberg’s face when Staffordshire District Council is sending its yoghurt pots and Amazon boxes to landfill.
Do f**k all about potholes
Constituents would love it if you fixed the potholes marring our roads. Unfortunately you’ll be too busy with the pressing issue of pronouns. A non-binary junior member of staff being allowed to say ‘they-them’ in an email signature is completely ruining the life of everyone in Britain.
Commission mental memorials
Does Tunbridge Wells have any particular connection to the Battle of Caen in 1944? No. So it urgently needs a memorial: maybe a full-scale bronze Cromwell tank? Other neglected victories of Empire include the Opium Wars, the battle of Vimeiro and our finest hour: the recapture of Port Stanley.
Boycott diversity training
Reform councillors have already vowed not to attend a few hours of diversity training, even though they’re the only people in Britain who actually need it. Also attempt to get the unnatural ban on touching up female colleagues scrapped, compulsory drag queen nursery teachers banned, and all black dogs to be given racist names.
Model yourself on UKIP MEPs
Remember when Britain used to send UKIP MEPs to the European Parliament to determinedly claim expenses? Make them your role models. Immediately start putting in dodgy claims for personal gifts and expensive meals, although to be honest Reform politicians tend to fill their boots with no encouragement needed.
Sack anyone working from home
It’s a sign that modern society is weak and pampered which you must bitterly oppose. While wondering where your office is that you can turn up to every day so you can smoke at your desk. There isn’t one? As a councillor, you’re largely a homeworker? Ignore this contradiction, and instead ask ‘Would our Spitfire pilots have worked from home?’ in the council chamber.
Wank on endlessly about Union Jacks
Securing the display of British flags should be the key activity of Reform councillors. Planning permission should only be granted for extensions with a 36ft flagpole and all council amenities should be adorned with our national flag. Nothing makes your heart swell with patriotic pride like a red, white and blue dogshit bin.
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