Unfortunately, no one, young or old, is immune to bullying or having to deal with aggravating people. But not everyone deals with them the same way – while some people bottle their frustration inside, others look for creative ways to get back at their bully.
The latter is what this redditor did, when, as a kid, they encountered a group of teenage bullies. You see, the OP had built quite an impressive sandcastle, and one of the teenagers destroyed it by kicking it to bits. However, instead of leaving the pile of sand that was once a beautiful castle, the redditor stayed and worked on petty revenge, seeking to teach the bully a lesson.
Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a licensed clinical psychologist, professor at the California School of Professional Psychology, and author of Teaching Kids to Think, Dr. Ronald Stolberg, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about bullying.
Someone destroying your belongings or your creations can be seriously aggravating
Image credits: ethomander (not the actual photo)
This child got revenge on their bully for destroying their sandcastle
Image credits: elenakaretnikova2022 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: BeansThe_Cat
It’s important to teach children to stand up for themselves, but they should also know when to walk away
It’s safe to assume that most of us have experienced bullying at some point in our lives. Statistics show that among youngsters 12 to 18 years old, nearly one-in-five people have. But it’s no secret that bullying doesn’t end when you reach 18. Nor does it usually start only by the time kids reach the age of 12.
But while older children and young adults might have been through enough life lessons or important conversations to know how to deal or cope with bullying, the little ones might not have the tools for that yet. That’s where parents come into play; they can help their kids learn how to deal with certain unfavorable situations, and according to licensed clinical psychologist and author of Teaching Kids to Think, Dr. Ronald Stolberg, one of the best ways to do that is roleplaying.
“I like to use roleplaying as a tool for teaching children ways to stand up for themselves,” he told Bored Panda, explaining that if a parent or child shares a situation that occurred and they are looking for alternative ways to react, they can practice in the safety of their home or a therapist’s office.
“You simply give the child a range of alternative responses, from passive to more aggressive, and see where their confidence is. My preference is to have a witty comeback rather than a response that is more aggressive, but sometimes silence and walking away is a powerful tool, too,” the professor said. “Practicing in the safety of my office or someone’s home is important so the child gets to practice until they feel like they have authentic responses that they are comfortable with.”
While it’s important to teach children how and when to stand up for themselves, it’s equally important to teach them that sometimes, giving the bully the silent treatment might be the better option.
“The concept of ‘standing up for yourself’ is very important,” said Dr. Stolberg. “It is highly related to self-esteem, self-confidence and resilience, all factors we want to foster in our children. However, when personal safety is at stake, sometimes you have to keep your head down, don’t respond, and move on. Our children’s safety comes first.”
Bullying can be difficult to navigate not only for the children, but their parents, too
However much parents want to teach and prepare their children for all sorts of situations in life, they are only able to get so much information into the little ones’ heads. Whether they like it or not, some lessons ought to be learned by firsthand experience.
In Prof. Stolberg’s opinion, it is absolutely necessary for kids to learn certain lessons on their own. “Real life learning usually occurs by ‘doing’ things, not by hearing about them,” he emphasized, adding that parents experience this all the time. “They tell their children not to do things that are dangerous or might get them in trouble, but the kids usually end up doing it anyway. Unfortunately, experience is the best way to learn, even hard lessons.”
Bearing that in mind, you might think that the OP’s bully should have learned his lesson after kicking a sandcastle with a surprise ‘filing’. Though, the expert notes, that it is unlikely that getting injured was going to change that child’s behavior. “If anything, it may lead to an increase in aggressiveness because of the public embarrassment. However, in general when a child receives a negative outcome to a behavior they are likely to change or modify their actions so that they get positive outcomes.”
While many parents are proactively trying to stop the bullying or help their children cope with it, even for them it might be a difficult thing to deal with. “Bullying is such a difficult topic to take on,” Dr. Stolberg said. “Parents of the victims just want the bully to leave their kids alone, so we focus on ways to avoid being the target. However, this doesn’t really fix the issue, because it just means that the bully has moved on to easier or more rewarding targets.
“Parents of the bullies often have a hard time believing that their child is acting that way without being provoked. So, we end up with two sets of parents who blame the other child for the negative interactions. In such a case, nothing really gets better and the [children’s] behavior is unlikely to change.”
Summing up, Dr. Stolberg noted that it might be easy to tell a child to stand up to a bully, but most children don’t have the ability to do so. In such a case, the best option for them is to ignore and walk away. “Violence should always be the last resort and only when one’s personal safety is at risk,” he said. “Stay safe, and if you are not a fun or easy target the bully will move on.”
People shared their thoughts in the comments, discussing similar personal experiences
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