Studies have shown that creating a neat and organized living space can reduce stress and improve mental well-being. The Onion provides helpful guidance for decluttering your home.
Lure Marie Kondo into your home using an evenly spaced trail of sensible storage solutions.
Assess if you really need 8,000 terracotta soldiers in your tomb.
Call some friends and family over to shake their heads disapprovingly at what you’ve become.
Take everything out of the closet or drawer, place it on the ground behind you, and resign yourself to never facing that direction again.
Mass graves are a simple, affordable way to get rid of a corpse problem.
Anything that fits down the toilet goes down the toilet.
Immediately buy a more expensive version of whatever you just threw out.
Let a herd of goats graze inside your home twice weekly.
Running out of room in your junk drawer? It may be time to upgrade to a junk house.
Hang a hornet’s nest in high-clutter areas of your apartment to discourage yourself from leaving things there.
Die and make your decades’ worth of junk your kid’s problem.
Throw out all your bundled issues of Swank except for 1941 to ’45, ’47 to ’49, ’50 to ’53, ’59 to ’67, and ’70 to ’89.
No! Not my McDonald’s straw wrapper! I need that!
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