Negative Rizz [OC]

You know that WEIRD feeling you and your buddies get the morning after a sleepover? That confused, aimless, what-do-we-do-now-that-the-festivities-are-over… -type feeling? Such was the case after my 2 friends and I had a spontaneous sleepover during our sophomore year in college.

We didn’t feel like parting ways JUST yet––but we also didn’t know what else to do. Therefore––as any sane, RATIONAL person would do, we ended up googling open houses in our area, choosing a RANDOM home that was available for viewing that day, and pulling up to the address like a trio of prospective homebuyers. The thing is: This house had to be selling for around $600K––which was, by the way, QUITE pricey for our area in 2019.

Nevertheless, we STRUTTED through the front door with confidence––READY to… I don’t know… look at some empty rooms and leave, I guess. Upon entering, we were immediately greeted by the realtor for the property––a man whose name I forget, but it was something REALLY cool like, uh… Let’s just say it was “Buzz Lightyear”. Mr. Lightyear was also one of the TALLEST people I’ve ever met, and I wouldn’t be surprised if his ancestry traces back to the Eiffel Tower.

Anyway, Buzz started by asking me and my friends to write down our contact info in an open booklet. Not sure how to respond, I was the only one who complied. Next, Buzz asked what we were in the market for––as if there was any possibility that three 19-year-old dudes were ACTUALLY considering a mortgage for a MANSION in an HOA that could comfortably fit the family from “Cheaper by the Dozen”. After a momentary pause, I explained that we were “just looking around”. We then quickly inspected the establishment and left.

For the next 6 months, I proceeded to get regular emails from Mr. Lightyear attempting to sell me local real estate.