WASHINGTON—While recognizing the small detail was of no real significance in the greater scheme of an escalating war with Iran, the entire U.S. populace admitted Tuesday that it was still curious to hear how President Donald Trump would pronounce “Strait of Hormuz.” “He’s gonna have to say it out loud eventually, and it feels like he could take it in some kind of insane direction like HOOR-muzz or maybe horm-SUH,” said Arkansas resident Janet Flitchen, echoing the sentiment of 340 million Americans who agreed that discovering Trump’s idiosyncratic pronunciation of the sea passage’s name would at least add a bit of intrigue to the horrors currently unfolding in the Middle East. “It feels crude to call it a silver lining given how many people are going to die, but you can’t deny that it’s fascinating to see what that guy’s brain does with unfamiliar place names. Even ‘Strait’ feels like it could be up in the air with him. There’s a nonzero chance he goes the whole war calling it the ‘stry-EET of Hermes’ or possibly even ‘Homer’s Street.’ That’s before you even get into the extra syllables he might try to cram in there. Doesn’t mean I support what he’s doing, but I can’t act like I’m not interested in hearing him drop ‘Strant of Hormo’ or whatever at a press conference.” At press time, the nation was reportedly expressing bewilderment at Trump’s bizarre pronunciation of the word “soldier.”
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