‘My husband told me 1 big lie before we married and now I’m miserable’

One woman has admitted her marriage is making her ‘miserable’ because of a lie her husband told before they wed. She stated she had many boundaries around values when they met

Many people tell little white lies to their partner. However, one woman has admitted her marriage is making her ‘miserable’ because of a lie her husband told before they wed.

The 30-year-old woman has been married to her husband, 32, for two years. She revealed that when they were dating, she stated she had many boundaries around values – one being that she was 5 years sober, and didn’t want to be with someone who drinks alcohol. Sharing her story on Reddit’s r/relationships forum, she wrote: “Background: my dad was an alcoholic my whole life. I became an alcoholic in my teens.

“My ex-husband was an alcoholic, abusive, and hid his addiction from me after promising to stop. All of this formed my decision to simply not want to be around alcohol.”

She added: “I made a fatal mistake I believe, as my now husband assured me he almost never drinks and he’ll have a beer once in a blue moon. I took him at face value because he said he just doesn’t drink anymore, it’s not his thing.

“Because we were spiritually compatible as well as from a health stand point I did believe he just was not a fan of alcohol anymore but simply didn’t want to label himself ‘sober’.”

However, the woman said that the week after they got married her husband drank a bit too much and she said she wasn’t comfortable with that amount of beer.

“Within a year he was buying packs of beer and drinking at home or when out alone with me,” she wrote.

“He wouldn’t go out for dinner or attend any gathering without having a beer or two. Granted he wasn’t getting drunk, but I was very hurt and upset and told him many times how misled I felt.:

Eventually the woman’s husband agreed not to drink around her. although he did say he would just hide it from her sometimes at family events and have a drink in the garage so ‘it wouldn’t be in front of her’, which she said she wasn’t okay with.

The woman continued: “Now he will have a few beers every time he gets together with friends. Which at first was once a month or so, but lately has been up to multiple times a week.

“I’m hurt, I feel lied to, and I simply wouldn’t have agreed to begin a romantic relationship with someone who drank alcohol every time they did anything social. I did make that clear how important that was. I wouldn’t have married someone who needs to have a minimum of two beers at every. Single. Social. Function.

“He’s telling me I’m controlling and need to deal with it. I feel as though this is complete incompatibility. I married him and don’t believe in divorce, yet I know I will never be okay with it considering what alcohol has done to my life.

“I should have never entered a relationship knowing I needed someone who was sober and he never did say he was sober. Do I just accept this and be miserable for the rest of my life?”

One person wrote: “He’s not going to change, so you have to [divorce him]. Either accept him or change your marital status. I’d personally choose the latter. You were deceived and should choose your own wellbeing.”

While another added: “I know you don’t believe in divorce, but separation may be best as you two are fundamentally incompatible as a couple. He deliberately lied by omission and kept you in the dark. He is a threat to your sobriety. What else is he capable of lying about?”

A third agreed: “You only married him because he lied to you and hid the reality of his drinking. Divorce feels pretty warranted under that set of circumstances.”

While a fourth wrote: “So you believed in divorce with your ex-husband, but now it’s a spiritual thing. I’m not sure I understand, what has changed if this relationship is potentially toxic to your health?”