There can be unfortunate situations where you’re not on the same level of seriousness with the person you’re dating. You may be envisioning a possible future with them, while they see you as a mere phase they will eventually get past.
This may very well be the case for this woman, who had been dating her boyfriend for nearly a year. He often downplayed their relationship with other people, even with women who got too cozy and flirty with him.
The woman had had enough one night and stormed off, only to be painted as a “dramatic” brat who couldn’t take a joke. Scroll down to see how this story unfolds.
It’s never a good feeling to have your partner downplay your relationship with others
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A woman experienced this treatment from her boyfriend multiple times, and it all came to a head one night
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She was understandably upset and stormed off, only to have the tables turned on her
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The woman provided an update, revealing that the gaslighting only continued
Many men struggle with commitment issues, and they are often deep-rooted
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While the woman didn’t give specifics about her boyfriend, his constant dismissal of their relationship could be a sign of a fear of commitment.
According to clinical psychologist and researcher Dr. Diana Kirschner, these commitment issues are often deeply rooted in a man’s adolescence and childhood. He may then project them onto their partners to “recreate negative scenarios,” resulting in self-sabotaging behaviors.
In her article for Psychology Today, Dr. Kirschner mentioned several fears that lead to commitment problems, the fear of rejection being one of them. Here, the man may be worried about their partners losing interest and eventually leaving.
He may avoid honest conversations, as a result, which the boyfriend may have done by downplaying the relationship with different people.
There is also the fear of being controlled, which Dr. Kirschner described as a “common pattern.” As she explained, men tend to place more importance on their independence and freedom than women.
It may then cause them to think that their partners are “weights that hold them down” or “controlling objects that won’t let them go.”
“Talk of a future makes this guy quiet, nervous, upset, or angry. He may be reluctant to act like he’s in a couple when you are with friends or out in public,” Dr. Kirschner wrote.
Men are typically transparent about their desire (or lack thereof) to be in a serious relationship
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In the story, the boyfriend’s actions are clear enough indicators of his desire to have a serious relationship. And based on his actions, it’s pretty evident that he may not see a long-term future with the woman.
According to relationship expert Lauren Frances, men will take a more serious approach in their conversations about the future if they are serious about the person they are dating.
“They will qualify you right away because they don’t want to waste their time. They’ll say, ‘I really want to have a great relationship,’” Frances explained in an interview with Glamour, adding that men who are only in it for the physical intimacy will be more complimentary about the woman’s looks than anything else.
The author may be better off ending the relationship while it hasn’t deepened. Her boyfriend had been dismissive of her status multiple times, and it is unlikely to change anytime soon.
Most people sided with the woman and criticized the man’s lack of respect
A few called her out for being insecure
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