WORLD fertility rates are declining across developed countries, and the universal availability of free internet pornography is to blame. Among other reasons:
Too much content
Just 50 years ago, there was nothing on television during the day or after midnight. Today there are more channels and streaming services than it is possible to watch even while we all desperately second-screen to catch up. Why would anyone bring a child into this world when they haven’t yet seen The Shield?
Pornography is everywhere
In your house, in your hand, on the bus, there’s porn whenever you want it and it doesn’t cost a penny. That’s going to f**k any society up, especially those billions who still believe in the Christianity we so zealously converted them to. Men are no longer driven to acts of procreative lust just to see a boob.
Children are getting worse
And what’s the reward? Some sassy kid quipping around the house while hogging the PlayStation? Children these days demand hours of extra-curricular bullshit, days out, Squiggle bags and paintballing birthday parties. Once they were so desperate for food they put effort into being likeable. Not any more. Now they just expect it.
Sex is freely available
Following on from the pornography issue, you can also graduate up to the real thing by using the very same smartphone you’re wanking off to. Keep plugging away on the apps and someone will have sex with you, eventually, so where’s the motivation to settle and start a family? You haven’t finished all the women on your phone.
Old people won’t take the hint and leave
There’s a one-in-one-out rule for breeding, and the elderly aren’t keeping up their end of the deal. Instead they linger on in their houses, with their stuff, selfishly living when it’s not helping anyone. Then have the nerve to ask for grandchildren.
Men are dicks
The easy availability of pornography and sex means men are dicks now. They can be; they’ve got everything they ever wanted so have no disincentive to collect the full set of first generation Transformers in-box. That’s a more powerful urge than having children.
There are plenty of people here already
No matter who or where you are, it’s getting crowded. There used to be a boundless world for us all to expand into, but now even shit bits like North Wales are getting pretty full. Is it really such an issue if there are 20 per cent fewer of us in 100 years? If you’re that bothered by the idea, have six kids.
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