One mum said she regretted asking a long-time friend to be her daughter’s godmother after the woman said one thing about her relationship with the child at a barbecue.
Choosing your child’s godparents is a big decision (stock image)(Image: Getty Images)
There are few greater signs of trust than asking someone to be a godparent to your child. Entrusting the role of being part of your child’s upbringing is an important decision, and one which parents rightly take very seriously.
Traditionally a godfather or mother is responsible for supporting a child’s religious and spiritual education and development. While this is still true for many, in many other cases someone who is not a member of the family but will play a big part in a child’s life and can act as a role model to them – such as close friend of one or both of their parents – may also be asked to be a godparent.
But one mum who said she had asked a long-time friend to be her daughter’s godmother said she regretted the decision after one thing the woman said about her relationship with the child. Posting to Reddit, the woman, aged 27, said she had known her friend, who she referred to as Lindsey and is also aged 27, since high school.
“When my daughter was born two years ago, I asked her to be the godmother,” she said. “At the time my husband was deployed overseas, and Lindsey was around a lot.
“She helped me get through that period more than anyone else besides my family. She’d come over when I was overwhelmed, help with things around the house and kept me company. I was grateful for her.
“My husband is home now and things are more normal, but Lindsey is still very involved with my daughter. I’ve never had an issue with that. I like that my kid has people who love her.”
But she said a comment Lindsey made at a barbecue with family and friends had left her shocked. “Lindsey was holding my daughter and talking about how much time they spend together,” she said.
“Then she said something about how my daughter needs someone who’s ‘actually around all the time’ and joked that since I work a lot, maybe she should handle more of the ‘real parenting stuff’. I felt extremely embarrassed and shut down a little after that, especially since it was in front of other people.”
She continued she had texted Lindsey a few days later to tell her how she felt, but her friend “didn’t really apologise”, and said part of being a godparent was “stepping in when needed”. “That response made it worse, because it felt like she was justifying what she said instead of understanding why it crossed a line,” she said.
“I never asked her to co-parent. I asked her to be a godmother. Those aren’t the same thing. I eventually told her that I didn’t feel comfortable with her continuing in that role if she couldn’t respect boundaries around my role as my child’s godparent.”
Reddit users had mixed opinions on the issue. One said: “She was insulting both you and your husband by referring to you as absentee and negligent parents. I do not think there was anything wrong with calling her out on what she said and asking for space.”
But another wrote: “She was a co-parent when your husband was gone. We all know this. We all know you relied on her. Now you got your feelings hurt because what she said hit a guilt nerve. Guilt for working so much. So when you needed her, it was ok. Now that you don’t, you got upset.
“You were lucky to have someone who loves your child as much as you but now you damaged that. Hope you won’t need her again because what you said was hurtful.”
A third suggested another solution, saying: “What she said was completely inappropriate. However with the length of your friendship and the amount of help she’s given you I think it would be worth it to try and have an in person conversation about this before you completely cut ties.”
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