Nothing brings out the best in neighborly relations like discovering your chicken coop may or may not be launching a slow-motion land war. Welcome to rural diplomacy, where the greatest threat to peace is a henhouse and the local arms race involves surveyor’s tape and passive-aggressive garden plots. Meet Dan, the manicured-lawn overlord, who loves his property line more than most parents love their children and believes five square feet of questionable grass is all that stands between order and chaos.
Our homeowner, a master of both politeness and pettiness, sharpened by naval service, does what any reasonable homeowner would do: offers to buy, swap, or pay for the privilege to keep a beloved decades-old coop and its poultry occupants in disputed territory.
Dan, juiced on the power of a fresh survey and a fantasy of cooping up the entire neighborhood, dreams of legal triumph, but can’t quite commit to any actual neighborly solutions. Instead, he stews, simmers, and when the trigger pulls, throws a toddler-worthy tantrum about trespassing chickens and impending lawsuits.
That’s when malicious compliance enters stage left. Armed with the ancient magic of property laws and a tape measure, our hero plants the new chicken run precisely 5’2″ from Dan’s line so the breeze delivers maximum rooster crowing and eau de poultry straight to Dan’s meticulously groomed oasis.
That way, Dan can savor his defeat every morning with a coop of coffee and a side of clucking.
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