CLUTCHING your pearls at Sabrina Carpenter’s new album cover? Grow up and look at some proper smut with these alternatives.
Country Life, Roxy Music, 1974
If the sight of Sabrina Carpenter on all fours was too erotically charged for you, then Country Life could very well put you into a coma. Featuring not one but two pretty, glistening ladies wearing nothing but sheer pants, this record sleeve achieved Bonnie Blue levels of sexual infamy back in the day. If you need to see it in person to judge for yourself, try and prize your dad’s copy from his iron grip.
Surfer Rosa, The Pixies, 1988
One for the highbrow, arty perverts. This album cover may look all classy in black and white, but keen-eyed viewers will notice that it contains an entire pair of exposed breasts. Gosh. Of course, because this was the sleeve for an alternative rock band, this was appreciation of the female form and not titillation. Only an idiot would get confused by such a clear distinction.
This Is It, The Strokes, 2001
No, not the American cover with its fractal bullshit, the proper one depicting a woman touching her own bum with a leather-gloved hand. With no face and no context, this is objectification at its most blatant. And as a bonus, this dial-up era piece of wank fodder had the courtesy to be packaged with bangers like Last Nite and Someday.
The Vertigo of Bliss, Biffy Clyro, 2003
Man’s Best Friend may be shockingly sexual if you’ve never seen pornography or a single page of The Sunday Sport before, but it’s got nothing on this erotically controversial album cover. Depicting an attractive young woman with a hand between her legs and a look of bliss on her face, it invites the viewer to wonder what she’s doing. Has she dropped her car keys? Has she lost her phone, realised she’s sat on it, and is delighted to have found it? Perhaps we’ll never know.
Sound Kapital, Handsome Furs, 2011
Until Sabrina Carpenter whips off all her clothes and poses without obstruction, she’s always going to be outdone by this NSFW Handsome Furs cover of a toned, naked woman standing beneath an underpass. Getting your hair pulled by some faceless man may boast the power of suggestion, but it can’t compete with moodily lit tits and fanny.
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