Father Upset Daycare Staff Changed His Daughter’s Hair

A father is outraged after his 14-month-old daughter was given a “girly” hairstyle by staff at her daycare center.

Venting about the situation on Mumsnet, he explained that the toddler had her tresses put in “bunches with pink bows” when his wife went to collect her from day care. He said the staff were delighted with themselves and gushed about how “cute and girly” she looked with the hairstyle. 

The situation came amid the couple dressing their daughter in unisex clothes, which the dad says is often mistaken for being “boys’ clothes.”

“She has long hair, which we mostly tie up into a ‘pineapple’ on the top of her head,” he said. “We’re not trying to ‘make her look like a boy,’ we just like to put her in comfy, practical clothes that she can be active in.”

The father went on to explain that dresses are rarely an option for their daughter to wear because she trips over the hem.

Frustrated by the daycare altering her appearance, he asked, “AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to feel like the nursery staff were trying to make a point by doing this? i.e., ‘You’re not presenting her like a ‘proper girl,’ so we will?’ ”

Hundreds of parents responded to the post, arguing that the father was jumping to the wrong conclusion.

“My DDs [dear daughters] would never let me do much with their hair, so it would just be tied back,” one person wrote. “But occasionally they’d come back from nursery with some hair tied and clips from playing dress up. Some of the boys would also have a clip in their hair. Didn’t bother me.”

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“My granddaughter often comes home with different hairstyles,” another commented. “She seems to enjoy the one-to-one attention, and it’s not a big deal. I think it’s important to have your principles, but also recognize the autonomy of your child and how they may just want to fit into the group occasionally.”

“My daughter wears a mix of boys and girls hand-me-downs to nursery — clothes I don’t mind getting stained and destroyed,” a third said. “Any time she’s in something more pink or flowery, the nursery staff tell her she looks pretty and cute.” 

“It’s not really how I want her to be taught to think about herself, but in all other ways, I am happy with the nursery, so I let it go,” the same person said. “It’s hard though – little girls get socialized into gender roles so early.”

Several responses to the post advised the dad to speak directly to the daycare center about his concerns.

“My nursery did something similar. I asked how they managed it, as she doesn’t really like having her hair brushed at home and they told me they distracted her while doing it, which confirmed to me that it wasn’t something she enjoyed,” a commenter wrote. “She’s also 14 months old and not yet into dressing up. I just asked them not to do it again, and they were fine with that.”