CHARLOTTE, NC—Describing the woman’s imagined scenario of workplace valor as both “cringeworthy” and “profoundly sad,” office sources confirmed Tuesday that employee Sarah Cobb’s fantasy about impressing her coworkers at Davidson Analytics was unimaginably pathetic. According to reports, Cobb—who in reality has failed to distinguish herself either socially or through her work in her four years at the local company—harbors a delusional and deeply embarrassing daydream in which her heroic performance during a team meeting finally garners the fawning approval of her previously disinterested peers. The the humiliatingly bleak and fanciful little notion reportedly hinges on Cobb confidently speaking up to solve a tough logistical problem that no one else can crack, resulting in applause and an approving fist bump from her manager. In an especially heartbreaking window into her sad, empty life, the pitiful delusion is said to conclude with Cobb receiving an invitation to join several of her colleagues on their daily coffee run, an activity she has long envied from afar. At press time, sources confirmed that Cobb had moved on from imagining her peers cheering “Nice!” and showering her with celebratory Slack emojis to an even more pathetic fantasy in which she recounts the story of impressing her coworkers to her parents, who finally declare that they are proud of her.
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