IS YOUR stag or hen do almost affordable? Has the sheer expense not caused you to lose a single friend? You’re doing it wrong. Here’s how to boost the cost:
Set a budget early, and exceed it
It’s crucial to get friends signed up and deposits paid early so they’ve all got skin in the game. So set a reasonable budget of under £400 that will even rope in marginal pals, then escalate terrifyingly.
Keep it to one weekend
A whole week? The prudent will see something’s up and cancel accordingly. Make sure your event is limited to a weekend, only revealing once the flights are booked your definition of a weekend stretches from Thursday night to Monday lunchtime. Wave goodbye to your annual leave!
Go Scandi
Promising a European country with cheap air travel will settle nerves, until you come back with those terrifying three letters: OSL (Oslo), ARN (Stockholm) or KEF (Reykvavik). Gotcha, suckers, we’re going to the home of the £15 beer and £65 burger! Your credit card is gonna be maxed!
Hotels only
Apartments are dangerous: your hens can cater for themselves, buy supermarket booze, and feign illness to avoid a nightclub that costs a mere £50 for entry after a two-hour queue. Sharing a hotel room barely bigger than its beds leaves them no option but to party like a prosecco’s €19.99!
Keep travel simple
Get taxis everywhere. No matter the distance or time of day, tell your stags ‘It’ll be easier if we get a cab’ and flag one down while they’re still open-mouthed with shock about the one from the airport.
Fancy dress mandatory
On the second night, open a case and reveal themed outfits for everyone! Yes, for a mere £160 apiece you’ll all be dressed as French aristocrats for a pub crawl in hand-fitted dresses you can never, ever wear again. ‘Can we split the excess baggage charge?’ you ask sweetly.
Throw in high-cost activities
Every day should be a surprise; whether paintballing, Europe’s longest zip line, a brewery tour or closing a lap-dancing club for your exclusive use. A grand here, two grand there, it all adds up and if they object they don’t love you or respect your wedding.
Never, ever buy a drink
Whenever you need a lager or a line simply make it known to the lads and they will provide, surely? It’s your do, you shouldn’t have to buy your own booze even though you’ve been drinking 18 hours a day for three days and now we’re at the airport to go home. But you’re thirsty.
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