THE prime minister, standing at a podium in Downing Street with his trousers around his ankles and his genitalia fully visible, has denied he has been humiliated.
Starmer, who was stating why there would be no U-turn on benefits cuts before rebel MPs sneaked out, grabbed his waistband and pulled his trousers and underwear down, explaining this was the workings of a healthy democracy.
He continued: “As the wind whistles past my exposed anus, I repeat: I am not in the least humiliated. In fact, I am into this.
“Otherwise why would I have performed three U-turns in a month? Only because they’re such an excellent way of governing, really taking the strength of everyone’s views and my shirt not being long enough to cover my penis into account.
“I am now glad that the chronically disabled will have more money. My view of them as ‘a bunch of f**king millennial freeloaders faking anxiety for free cash’ is as firmly consigned to the past as not knowing how your prime minister’s ballsack hangs. Low, as you can see.
“You should be applauding this, not just the pantsing moment. I have worked with my party for an outcome that satisfies everyone. I could not be more thrilled.”
Starmer then took questions, the first of which was from ITV political editor Robert Peston asking him if he was so happy then why wasn’t his dick hard.
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