A CYCLIST used to weaving in and out of traffic has criticised cycle lanes for being too safe.
Lycra-clad Nathan Muir, 37, has slammed local authorities for wasting money on boring cycle routes with no interesting obstacles or the potential for exciting clashes with motorists.
Muir said: “What could take the fun and joie de vivre out of cycling more than allocating a section of the road purely to bikes?
“The thrill of cutting up cars by swerving across lanes has gone. Also the buzz of edging awkwardly through stationary traffic. There are even patronising little arrows telling you which way to go. Pure infantilisation. Why not just make me use stabilisers?
“Believe, me, I’ve tried to like cycle lanes. Me and my cyclist friends formed a two-abreast peloton for maximum obnoxiousness and not a single motorist cared. And stuck in the cycle lane you can’t enjoy coasting through red lights. No beeps, no screamed obscenities. I’m starting to wonder what the point of having a bike is.
“In traffic I go where I want, when I want. In a cycle lane it’s just so restrictive. Good luck flicking sweat onto motorists’ precious paintwork when they’re four feet away.
“It’s no wonder every cyclist I know refuses to use them. Although by taking up space they’ve made the roads more congested, which is how I like them. Oh God, it all makes sense now.”
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