A slow and pointless review of early 2000’s Monster Munch

I started writing these pointless reviews, for no particular reason. I wanted to share this one here because it seemed like the right sort of place for it. I hope that's okay. I don't want to get shouted at.

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1. What is it

Monster Munch, a classic British corn snack that came out in the late 70s, I think. They are in the shape of monster feet and currently come in Pickled Onion, Roast Beef, and Flamin' Hot flavour. Though I heard there's a BBQ version now that's made of chickpeas, which is cool. Because all other Monster Munch flavours have milk in, for some reason. And I don't do dairy anymore.

Was this design better?

I haven't tried the BBQ ones yet, but I will search for them next time I go shopping.

The Monster Munch I remember came in a metallic purple bag with an orange monster. Now the bags aren't metallic and the monsters are non-existent. The crisps are chunkier too.

Research tells me that the monsters I remember from childhood were the result of Walkers buying the brand from Smiths, the original owners. They rebranded the packaging, updated the monster designs, and made the crisps smaller. Then years ago, maybe in the 2010s, they changed back to the original monster designs and made the crisps chunky again.

Now it looks like they've gotten rid of the monsters, so they've just become this generic branded crisp. Sad.

But it doesn't matter anyway. Because they all have milk in, for no reason.

2. Where does this belong?

Somewhere in the early 2000s. Back when crisps had toys in sometimes, because companies were unafraid of feeding small children choking hazards.

I remember the little pop-out Beyblade toys that you'd get. And the pogs.

There was a Halloween edition that turned your tongue blue, with some freakish vinegary magic.

At some point, I think they had an ice cream flavour? Probably best if that flavour stays in the short-lived moment it had in the noughties.

There was one that would make your tongue either blue or green. That would be the most excitement you'd get during a Monday lunchtime.

3. What does this remind me of?

It reminds me of trips to the corner shop with my parents. Sometimes if I was lucky, they would buy me something. Every time, without fail, I'd ask for a Beano magazine and a packet of Monster Munch.

I remember one time I was ill, and my mum offered to buy me something nice from the shop. Of course I asked for my favourite crisps. But when I opened them and wolfed them down, they tasted weird. I thought they changed the flavour. I didn't realise being sick would make everything taste different.

Not actually my local store

4. Who is this for?

I imagine it's for ghosts now. The packets aren't shiny, the monsters don't exist, and the little feet are now big and puffy, like I imagine they were in the 80s. They don't turn your tongue blue these days or provide little plastic choking hazards.

I don't know if they're worse, or if nostalgia just paints it differently. Maybe Walkers will have a rebrand soon? Noughties nostalgia seems to be in right now. If they bring it all back, most millennials will have a great time. Except for me, of course, because of the milk thing. At least I'd get to admire the packaging, I suppose.

Beyblades Spinners – aka choking hazards for small children

5. What do I rate it?

A snap, a soft crunch, and a lingering vinegary breath out of ten.

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(Edit: This post came from a blog I started recently. I review things, sort of. It’s called “Who Is This For?” on Substack, if you’re curious.)