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Into the Newark Abyss: A Pothole Odyssey. Expedition Log: The Great Newark Abyss Date: 23/01/2026 Location: Sector 4, North Face of the Great North Crater Altitude: Roughly 3 inches below sea level Entry 08:30 hrs. Our expedition has reached the precipice of what the locals call " Great North Crater." ……a treacherous canyon of majestic proportions. We have established Base Camp next to a discarded Lucozade bottle in the foothills of the imposing castle ruins; the smell of deisel and local frustration hangs heavy in the air….. Entry 10:15 hrs. Progress is slow. Lead climber "Boulder Bob” is currently traversing a sheer cliff of exposed Victorian cobblestones, "No-Hands Nige" looks on, ever watchful. The terrain here is unstable; every time a marshalls bus thunders past, the entire Ossington tectonic plate shifts, threatening to trigger a rock fall We’ve had to belay off a stray cigarette butt for safety. Wish us luck The geology is fascinating, a layer of cheap bitumen, a fossilized layer of excuses, and a bedrock of pure resignation. Bob, ever the optimist, claims he can see “improvements on the horizon.” Nige, clutching a flask and muttering about sovereignty, insists the same, time will tell. Entry 12:00 hrs Oh, dear reader… Tragedy struck our expedition……..We spotted a brave local soul in a Vauxhall Corsa attempting to navigate the pass. The vehicle struck the East Ridge with a sound like a civil war canon boom. The brave fellow uttered a traditional Newark war cry, something about "road tax" or "council taxes", before teetering on the edge for what seemed like a lifetime…then……..it went over, a blur of metal and dispair. We heard a dull thud, the snap of a suspension spring, a wimper……and then silence. Nature has reclaimed that Corsa now. It belongs to the hole…………. We now embark on our return.. wish us luck, dear reader…………….pray for our safe passage. __________________ It’s all a bit of fun for the camera, of course, but it does highlight how shoddy our roads have become, and dangerous. One does wonder if Newark is aiming to become the first town in England accessible only by pack mule, Sherpa and rappelling gear…… Have a word Nottinghamshire County Council l (and contractors ) ….I think i saw evidence of one of your long lost highways inspectors in a crevasse… could have been a Morlock though…..or another subterranean bipedal … it was quite dark down there 😉 Yes, it may be a bit weird or eccentric for a grown man to photograph miniature mountaineers in holes in the street. I’m fine with it. My knees, less so. 😄 and yes, these photos were actually taken in potholes in Newark on a Google Pixel 6 Phone. submitted by /u/Icy_March_8166 |
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