BUTCH, aggressive right-wing men are now as petrified of spending even a moment outside in New York as they already were in London.
The men, who are extremely proud of their musculature, disregard for others’ feelings and traditional masculinity, cower like terrified chickens at the mere thought of walking the streets of cities with brown-skinned mayors.
Joe Turner, an American whose YouTube videos about how the streets of Bloomsbury reduce him to a shaking, incontinent wreck were a big hit this summer, confirms he plans a similar series about Manhattan for his tough-guy audience.
He said: “Trump 2028! Whooh! F**k soy boy beta liberals! But seriously, New York is terrifying now and there is not one moment when I am not in fear of my life.
“Despite it being a centre of world capitalism with a population of almost nine million, it is now a deserted wasteland of violent crime where being murdered is a certainty. Just like London under Sadiq Khan. If anyone says they survived a day there, they’re lying.
“In both cities I dared to venture out and within minutes ran home, crying with soiled underpants, begging to go home. And, let me stress again, this is because I am incredibly rugged and macho and inject steroids.”
Upper West Side resident Julian Cook said: “Mm. Meanwhile I’m gay, flamboyant and this afternoon will take my bichon frise Walter on a stroll to a exhibition of ceramics.”
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