“Work smarter, not harder” is a motto many people live by when doing their job. Reminding them to look for the most optimal solution instead of spending hours doing something unnecessary, it is definitely something worth keeping in mind.
But when looking for ways to be smart at work, some people might turn to rather unethical means. Though, they, too, often fall into the category of “working smarter, not harder.”
Members of the ‘Antiwork’ subreddit have recently discussed all sorts of unethical work hacks, after one netizen started a discussion about it. And let me tell you, they were quite ingenious! So, if you’re curious to browse what their hacks entailed, scroll just a little down to find them on the list below and marvel at people’s creative problem-solving.
Write your annual self-review entirely in haiku. Quantify achievements using phases of the moon. Give yourself a performance rating of “Existentially Aligned.”
Schedule bi-weekly 1-on-1s titled “Synergy Synchronization” with people you’ve never met from different departments. Spend the entire time asking them to explain what their department does. Take no notes. Declare each meeting a “resounding success” in the calendar invite afterwards.
bang bosses wife, get her to divorce him, she‘ll win the company in the legal fight, marry her, be boss .
Steal.everything.you.can…this only works if your office has a pantry & a supply closet. I haven’t bought k cups, disinfectant wipes or various snacks in months…
After all, they are stealing 40 hours of your life away every single week.
If you feel like a nap, go into the stationary room, scatter around a bunch of pens and fall asleep with your feet right next to the door (this only works if the door opens inwards).
If anyone opens the door it will slam into your feet, which will wake you up and you can pretend you’re picking up the pens which accidentally spilled over the floor.
Mine is less a hack than a chaos creation timebomb: never name google sheets. Everything is “Untitled Spreadsheet”. Make a new spreadsheet for any temporary work you might do throughout every day. (Ensure you have a system for noting down the correct links of the sheets you may need to go to in a separate system).
When I was in the military, I always always walked around with a clipboard. I had a terrible expression on my face, and once in a while, I looked at the clipboard and frown and shake my head. People very weirdly ever bothered me.
At my old job, if I needed to pass the time, I would pick up a notebook, folder and pen and just go for a walk around the building. As long as I held those items, moved at a reasonable pace, looked ahead, and walked in a big enough circle, it would look like I had someplace to be.
One strategy I’ve been dabbling with for “on camera” remote meetings…
1.multi colored strobe light in the background
2.sport a fluorescent safety vest
3.hardhat barely secured to head appendage
4.clipboard visibly in hand
5.smoke alarm slowly chirping
6.accidentally leave mic on
7.occasionally mumble the word “check”
8.slowly gaze upon the ceiling with a squint
9.offer a self assured “mmhmm” sound
10.safety check complete
12.record outcomes/update “No one injured since (date)”poster
13.injured while realizing you skipped step #11
Profit.
P.S. I tried getting it to skip 11 (it kept autocorrecting).
Absolutely never create a teams meeting where you’re the only attendee two or three times a week and then sit on the call by yourself while sipping coffee or pooping.
During virtual presentations, randomly share your screen displaying only a highly pixelated image of a fax machine. Announce, “Just syncing the paradigm shifts,” then immediately stop sharing. Offer no explanation.
Answer any question about deadlines with, “We’re operating on Kairos time, not Chronos, to fully harness emergent potential.” Add the project status is “Percolating.”
Repurpose your oldest slide deck by changing the title slide font to Papyrus and adding “(Retro Remix)” to the name. Present it as “vintage foundational strategy” relevant to current challenges.
Start a shared document titled “Cross-Pollination Ledger.” Add only one entry: “Idea: synergy?” Tag ten people. Set permissions to “Comment Only.” Turn off notifications for the document.
Submit all purchase requests via messages tied to carrier pigeons dispatched from the roof (real or metaphorical). If questioned by finance, claim it’s a pilot program for “analog data integrity and avian logistics.”
Create meeting agendas consisting solely of nested philosophical questions (e.g., “Item 1: If synergy occurs in a forest and no one is aligned, does it make an impact? Item 1a: What is impact?”). Refuse to discuss concrete tasks, insisting you must first “frame the metaphysical parameters.”
> End all comms with lyrics from obscure post-punk bands. Bonus points if you still get replies.
“Yeah, you’re right, Boss. The summary of the last meeting was x, y, z, and the rest.. (sigh) well, in the end, it doesn’t even matter”.
I did recommend one of my colleagues submit a presentation in Wingdings once. .
I set my teams to away all day every day, my notifications come on my phone so I answer important people, but means I can be doing whatever I want when WFH.
My friend and I went out for a longer lunch. Scheduled a “Steakholder alignment” meeting for us.
>Dismiss your own old strategy as “legacy thinking.” Disagree with it vehemently.
I do this all the time and it’s so much fun. Sometimes I am very open that I am basically arguing wuth myself from the past, sometimes I talk about “them”, about “others who claim that such and so”. While it’s really just what I argued myself some time ago.
If you want to get your buddy the day off do not call in a bomb threat.
I know someone who did that. They have a record now.
Spend an entire day writing a list of unethical work hacks.
Do key bumps in the bar bathroom across the street from the office and wash it down with one beer and two shots of whiskey at 9:45 a.m. like Dennis Weaver in an After School Special about a middle aged suburban man who gets hooked on dope and catches AIDS from hookers.
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