When you refer someone for something, say a friend for a job, you’re staking your own reputation on them. That’s kind of the point of a “recommendation” in the first place, you’re telling people that you have a history with and know and trust this person, and that they should trust them by extension of your own relationship. So, when you vouch for someone and they don’t live up to the expectation, sometimes falling disasterously short. It leaves you wishing that you’d never stuck your neck out for them in the first place.
And, let’s be honest, we might like our friends for some things—they’re our friends after all—but it’s the same principle as roommates. Just because you’re friends doesn’t mean that you want to live or work with them, or that you aren’t keenly aware of their glaring personality flaws and know that things just didn’t work out. Sure, if you have an understanding manager with whom you have a good relationship, they’ll probably be able to shake off a bad hire that you’ve recommended, but even then, it’s guaranteed that they’re not totally going to forget it.
That’s why this friend made a good call when she refused to give her roommate a recommendation or get her an interview at the place where she worked, knowing it would harm her reputation there. This was solidified when the roommate tried to gaslight her and her boss, and then snuck back into her place of work after being denied again.
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