The saying, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do,” has been around since ancient times and is still a good reminder that customs and habits vary wherever you go. One of the best things about traveling to another part of the world is discovering how things you think are normal or standard are not universally so, and seeing how different cultures function broadens your ideas of the human experience.
That’s why a woman from Denmark explaining “normal” things that are considered rude in Nordic countries has caught people’s attention. People are often fascinated with Denmark, Finland, Sweden, and Norway, largely because they regularly top lists of “happiest countries in the world” (which is always a little surprising considering the weather in that part of the world alone).
Here are the 13 behaviors and habits Kelly Louise Killjoy says Nordic countries consider rude in her experience:
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1. Being late to anything
Of course, being late is rude in a lot of places, so this one may not be surprising, but punctuality is a culturally specific expectation. There are places where it would be considered rude to show up early, and other places where “fashionably late” doesn’t exist. In Killjoy’s experience, Nordic folks like to be as close to exactly on time as possible. “Like five minutes early or five minutes late, no more, no less,” she says. “Preferably exactly on time.” And they will often apologize for even being one minute late.
2. Showing up unannounced
Some countries have a distinct “dropping by” culture, but the Nordic nations aren’t among them. Even close friends and family call or text before arriving at someone’s house, as it’s considered rude to just show up. “With Nordic people, it’s all about respecting our time,” Killjoy says. “We often plan our time very carefully, according to when we’re meeting you. And these meetups are often scheduled weeks or months beforehand. So the door may be open, but it doesn’t mean the schedule is.”
3. Canceling plans last minute
“Unless you have a serious reason, this is more rude than saying no up front because you don’t feel like it,” Killjoy says. “Again, Nordic people plan their time around you for weeks, if not months, so respect our time and we will love you for it.”
4. Speaking to people without a practical purpose
Even though not everyone loves it, small talk is considered normal in American culture. Not so much in Scandinavia. If you’re just running errands or going through your normal daily life activities in Nordic countries, people don’t just shoot the breeze with you. “If you talk to us, we will assume there’s a reason, otherwise we get confused and awkward,” Killjoy says. “If you’ve ever had a conversation with a Nordic person where you thought, ‘Why didn’t they like me?’ or ‘This got awkward very quickly,’ it’s because that Nordic person was more than likely trying to figure out what you wanted out of that conversation.”
5. Being overly polite
Killjoy says this is another area where Americans and Nordic people often misunderstand each other. The idea of politeness being rude even sounds like an oxymoron, but for Nordic folks, it’s really about being asked questions you don’t want to give real answers to. The example Killjoy gives is asking people, “How are you?” That’s standard for Americans, and it’s understood that you’re not asking someone to spill all of their emotions in the moment. But Nordic folks take questions at face value, so it feels personal and invasive.
6. Speaking loudly in public places
One thing that people sometimes pinpoint with Americans visiting other countries is that we tend to speak loudly. In a public place like a restaurant, where lots of people are talking, it’s not really much of a consideration for us. But it is for Nordic folks (and a lot of other European countries, Killjoy points out).
7. Sitting next to someone when you don’t have to
“This is a classic Nordic meme, but it’s true,” Killjoy says. “We do not like people sitting next to us when we can see there’s space around for them to divide themselves upon.” If you sit next to a Nordic person on a mostly empty bus, they’ll think something is wrong with you or that you might wish them harm. (To be fair, this is likely true most places. But there are some friendly folks who like to chat with strangers and will take the opportunity when they see it.)
Sitting closer than necessary to someone is rude. Photo credit: Canva
8. Using formal titles
“Unless you’re addressing the king or queen, don’t,” says Killjoy. Although titles like “Mr.” or “Mrs.” or “Dr.” are used to show respect in a lot of places, Nordic folks tend to see them as impersonal and distant. “Even doctors and teachers will think it’s weird if you use formal titles with them,” she says.
9. Bragging
“This ties into the people being loud part as well,” Killjoy says. “Nordic culture is a very conflict-avoidant and don’t-stand-outish kind of culture.” She says there’s even a Danish word for this social norm that heavily discourages standing out and favors humility and equality: Janteloven. “Bragging just goes heavily against that,” Killjoy says.
10. Tipping
“Tipping cultures are very awkward to Nordic people,” says Killjoy. “Like, I don’t understand why you can’t just pay your employees.” (Same, honestly.)
11. Not taking off your shoes in someone’s home
This one is more of a household-by-household preference in the U.S., it seems, but in Scandinavia, it’s the norm to take off your shoes in the house. Most Nordic homes have mudrooms for this very purpose.
12. Honking your car horn
Go to any major U.S. city, and you’ll hear no shortage of car horns. Killjoy says in Denmark it’s illegal to honk your car horn for any other reason than as a danger warning or if someone hasn’t seen you. “If you honk, someone will assume there’s something wrong,” she says, so don’t honk there out of impatience.
A person honks their car horn. Photo credit: Canva
13. Jaywalking
Killjoy calls jaywalking “kind of rude,” primarily because Nordic folks tend to be rule-followers. It’s not that they will never jaywalk, but generally, they only do it when no one is really around or would notice.
Of course, these “considered rude” behaviors are coming from one person, and some commenters from Nordic countries added some clarifications in the comments (such as the “no dropping by” rule being something newer or more specific to urban than rural areas). But many fellow Scandinavians corroborated the things on this list. It’s good to know, though, what people from one of these countries might find rude when you meet them.
And if you ever find yourself in Denmark? Do as the Danes do.
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